When my wife and I became serious about getting married, a close family member told me, “You should live together first—you know, try it before you buy it.” Not only was he a close family member, but he also called himself a devout Christian.
I didn’t know whether to be sad, surprised, or both. That phrase, “try before you buy,” sounds so reasonable in today’s society. It’s practical and modern. That’s exactly what makes it dangerous.
Let’s talk about what the Bible actually says about dating, relationships, and marriage. It is true that the Bible never uses the word “dating.” So I won’t pretend in this study that there’s a chapter somewhere called “Thou Shalt Swipe Right.” What we’re going to do instead is look at what Scripture does say and apply the instructions and principles to the way we form relationships today. Let’s find out what God’s word has to say.
First, let’s talk about why this conversation matters right now. As of 2024, the average age for a first marriage in the United States is roughly 30 for men and 29 for women. (Even if you’re not in the United States, this data is still a helpful place to look.) That’s a significant jump from previous generations, driven by education, careers, and shifting cultural expectations.1
Here’s where it gets interesting. The gap between when people become adults and when they finally get married has grown considerably. Culture has happily stepped in to fill that gap with cohabitation, hookup culture, and the steady normalization of sexual relationships outside of marriage.
The numbers are striking. Cohabitation among Americans 50 and older has risen sharply in recent years, with the biggest growth among those 65 and up. Fifty years ago, that would have been scandalous—“old people” living together as boyfriend and girlfriend? Today, it barely makes the news. One of the reasons retired people in the dating world live together, rather than getting married, is actually so they can maximize their social security benefits. In other words, they’d lose money if they tied the knot.
But another major reason why cohabitation is up across the board is movies, TV shows, novels, dating apps, and social media. The world has been running a long, slow campaign for one idea: that living together and sleeping together before marriage is not only normal but wise. And since it’s everywhere on our screens, it starts to feel true.
Paul had a word for that in 1 Corinthians 6. Actually, four words: “Do not be deceived.” Before listing lifestyles that prevent someone from inheriting the kingdom of God, he warns you.
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Corinthians 6:9–10
The world will deceive you. It has been trying to your entire life. And it is very good at it.
That’s what the world says about dating. What does God say about dating?
In biblical times, the process of forming relationships looked very little like what we know today. There were arranged marriages, betrothals, bride prices—all kinds of cultural approaches to bringing two people together. But notice this: Scripture describes those practices, but it doesn’t prescribe them. Just because arranged marriages appear in the Bible doesn’t mean God is commanding you to have one. What Scripture does prescribe is how love is to be lived out and how God defines marriage.
In my culture, dating is typically the first step after friendship. I recognize that looks different depending on where you’re from and what generation you belong to. Some call it courting. Some call it “talking.” Whatever you call it, the question is whether it can be done in a way that honors God. And the answer is yes—absolutely yes.
A great biblical example is Mary and Joseph. Their relationship began through betrothal, the closest ancient equivalent to what we’d call engagement today. They spent time together in a committed relationship before marriage. And during that time, both of them remained sexually pure. We know this not because the text simply tells us so, but because of what happens when Mary turns up pregnant by a miracle of the Holy Spirit. Joseph’s first instinct was to quietly end the engagement. He had to be visited by an angel and personally reassured that Mary was still a virgin. His shock tells us everything about what their relationship had looked like up to that point. They eventually took their relationship to the next level: marriage.
And marriage, by the way, is not some incidental detail. It’s the plan and design that God has as the hub of the family. Genesis 2:18 records God looking at Adam and saying, “It is not good that man should be alone.” And so He created woman. That “not good” situation became, by Genesis 1:31, a “very good” situation. One man, one woman, together. That’s where God was going from the beginning. Today, dating, done with wisdom and intentionality, is the legitimate path toward that. But what does intentional, God-honoring dating actually look like? Let’s begin with 1 Thessalonians 4:3–5:
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God.
Paul says that it is God’s will for you to be sanctified (or holy), and he immediately connects sanctification to sexual purity. The way you handle your body and your relationships is a spiritual matter.
Which means I need to be direct with you.
We have softened the language so much that we’ve nearly lost the concept. We say “sleep together” instead of calling it what the Bible calls it: fornication. We say “live together” instead of calling it what it is. And by softening the words, we soften our sense of the seriousness. So let me be straightforward: If you are currently living with someone and sharing a bed with someone you are not rightfully married to, you need to repent. You must stop and change the situation. I care about how you stand before God. Hebrews 13:4 says:
Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Intimacy in marriage is honorable. Everything outside of it is not.
When one spouse violates that bed through adultery, Jesus Himself addresses what may follow.
It has been said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.” But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
Matthew 5:31–32
God hates divorce. He designed marriage to be one man and one woman, leaving their families, joining to each other for life. As much as God hates divorce, He says that adultery is such a violation of the relationship that it may be used as the one exception to ”thou shall not divorce.”
Now I want to make sure we don’t reduce this conversation to a list of rules about what not to do. Because if that’s all we’ve got, we’ve missed the point. Dating isn’t only about managing physical boundaries. It’s also about building genuine companionship and finding someone whose company you actually enjoy, who shares with you in biblical faith and values, who you can see yourself walking alongside through the ordinary, difficult, beautiful years of life. That’s what you’re looking for: a real companion and partner for life.
Which leads me to something Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that is deeply practical. The chapter is rich on instructing Christians (particularly those in tough situations like persecution) on relationships. But one commandment and principle stands out: marry in the Lord. Find a partner with biblical faith. Not just someone who was raised in church, not just someone who’s open to spiritual things, but someone who is actually following Jesus. If your deepest convictions and your deepest priorities are not shared, you are building a relationship on a foundation of sand. I hope your relationship with the Lord is your ultimate priority. I hope that loving Jesus and spending eternity with Him is your ultimate goal. Now, can you imagine spending the rest of your life with, and your home with, and raising children with, and building a legacy with someone who’s at odds with your entire life’s goal?
In 2 Corinthians 6:14, Paul also says, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.” Now, Paul is writing in a broader context there, but the principle applies to marriage as well. A yoke was a farming tool designed for two animals of the same kind, pulling in the same direction. An unequal yoke causes friction, injury, and inefficiency in the field. A marriage between someone genuinely pursuing God and someone who isn’t will feel exactly like that.
Now let me say something to a different person in the room. It is important to marry in the Lord and build a mutually fulfilling relationship. But perhaps you’re already married, and you don’t currently see those values reflected in your spouse. You’re unequally yoked. Should you leave your marriage to find someone who shares your faith? Absolutely not.
I encourage you to study all of 1 Corinthians 7. The whole chapter is rich. But when speaking directly to wives with unbelieving husbands, Paul says plainly: “A wife is not to depart from her husband” (v. 10). When you made your marriage vows, you promised before God and witnesses that you would honor that relationship until death do you part. So instead of looking for a way out, it’s time to focus on shaping your marriage into what God intended it to be.
But in the dating world, what does all of this look like practically, on a Tuesday afternoon when you’re just trying to navigate a relationship without making a mess of it? 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “flee fornication.” Not “resist it from close range.”
So what does all of this look like practically, on a Tuesday afternoon when you’re just trying to navigate a relationship without making a mess of it? 1 Corinthians 6:18 says, “flee fornication.” Not “resist it from close range.”
Flee.
Don’t put yourself in situations where you’re testing your willpower at midnight, alone together. Far from holiness, that’s just setting yourself up. In other words, it’s foolishness. Use wisdom. Choose settings that make it easier, not harder, to honor God.
Be open about your values and your boundaries early. Don’t treat them like a secret to be revealed three months in. If you’re a follower of Jesus who takes Scripture seriously, that should be clear from the beginning. You want someone who respects that—or better yet, shares it.
Additionally, something that seems more and more counterculture today: involve your community. Don’t date in isolation. Have people around you who know you, know your relationship, and will tell you the truth. Accountability is a gift from God. And it also builds strong relationships around your relationship.
God’s design for relationships is not a list of restrictions meant to take the joy out of your life. Healthy, faithful relationships are amazing, and they improve satisfaction in life. God knew what He was doing and what is best for us when He instructed us what to do and what not to do when it comes to building relationships and becoming intimate. God’s restrictions are a framework meant to protect something extraordinary. Marriage is called “very good” by God Himself. The marriage bed is called honorable. The love between a husband and a wife is used throughout Scripture as a picture of Christ’s own love for His church.
Dating, when it’s done with wisdom, intentionality, and the gospel at the center, is the beginning of something that can reflect the glory of God for the rest of your life. My prayer is that you pursue a healthy, godly relationship. Don’t let the world deceive you into what they think is good or healthy. Do your part, love to the fullest, sacrifice, and keep your faith. Find someone who’s ready to meet you in that same space.
If this study helped you think through your own relationships, share it with someone who needs to hear it. God bless you as you navigate godly relationships in a chaotic world.
- Stats pulled from the following webpages, cited April 2026:
https://www.axios.com/2025/01/11/age-marriage-state?utm
https://www.investopedia.com/cost-of-the-american-dream-2024-8705906?utm
https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP-25-08.html?utm
https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/FP-25-04.html?utm ↩︎