In 2024, I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. The Lord said, “No.” If you’ve ever poured out your heart in prayer only to feel like heaven was silent, this message is for you.
In December of 1997, my dad had his first heart attack. I prayed.
Doctors successfully performed quadruple-bypass surgery. However, the medical consensus was that genetics were a major contributor to his condition. In other words, we could expect ongoing heart issues. I prayed.
Over the next three decades, Dad had regular episodes. I lost count of how many “cardiac events” and stents he had. With every one of them, I prayed.
Late in 2023, the doctors presented us with the news I had been dreading. No further stenting was possible. The only option was additional bypass surgery, and that surgery was extremely risky. I prayed!
Doctors successfully performed three additional bypasses, but Dad was still facing a lengthy recovery. I prayed.
Five days after the procedure, there was another “cardiac event.” A major one. Dad was rushed back to the ICU where he was placed on life-support. The hope was that these machines would allow his heart to rest and recover. I prayed!
The next several weeks were filled with tests, procedures, medications, and transfusions. And with every one of them, I prayed. I prayed like never before. I’d pray on the way to the hospital to be with him. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and pray. I’d still be praying when I fell back asleep. But on April 1, 2024, my dad left this world to be with his Lord. God had said, “No” to my prayers!
Perhaps you have a similar story of your own. There has been a time in your life when you prayed as fervently and sincerely as you thought possible. You poured out your soul to God! And it didn’t seem to make any difference. You didn’t get what you wanted. God told you, “No.”
If you’ve felt that way (or feel it now) I understand. I’ve been there. I experienced the same frustrations. At times, I even became angry with God. I grappled with the same questions: “How could God let this happen?” “He’s answered so many others’ prayers. Why didn’t He answer mine?” This lesson isn’t meant to address those questions, but it is meant to answer one that I believe is even more important. I say that, because the answer to this question is completely up to us. What do I do when God says, “No” to me?
The first thing to do is also the most difficult…
Hold Fast Your Faith
When God says, “No,” Satan gets to work. Remember, Satan doesn’t fight fair, and the emotional distress that often accompanies a “No” presents him with a prime opportunity to attack us. The devil will use these moments to suggest to us that God isn’t as great as we think He is, that He really isn’t that concerned about us, or, worst of all, that He doesn’t even exist. Such attacks upon our faith are the inevitable result of being told no. Our answer and defense, therefore, must be prepared.
Upon hearing “No,” we need to remember what we know about God.
- We know He exists. There is simply no other rational way to explain the existence and complexities of this universe. As Paul said in Romans 1:20, “His invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”1
- We also know from famous passages like John 3:16 and John 15:13 that God loves us with the greatest of loves. That’s been proven by the sacrifice of His Son. When God tells us “No,” it isn’t because of a lack of concern.
- We know as well that God sees the big picture. According to Isaiah 46:10, God is “declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.’” Think about that for a moment. God’s plans have had to consider every event in all of human history. By comparison, my plans hardly consider a blip in the timeline! I cannot possibly see all the implications of God granting my request, but He can! While I selfishly see only the immediate benefit to me, God also sees the potentially negative consequences of it, not only to myself but to others as well. Think of it this way: have you ever desperately wanted something in the moment, only to be relieved later that you didn’t get it? Maybe it was that high school crush you were convinced was “the one” for you, but when you ran into them at the reunion ten years later you realized you had dodged a bullet. God knows what is best for me and desires what is best for me.
Therefore, when He tells me “No,” I must hold fast to my faith and accept His answer as the best one when all is considered, even if I don’t immediately see it. Trust that God does know what He is doing.
Relatedly, we should…
Keep Praying
We should keep praying as an expression of our faith that we might remain close to God. Remember, Satan will be coming for us, and we can best resist him by holding tightly to God (see James 4:7–8). The true purpose of prayer isn’t to always get what we want, but to deepen our dependence upon God and foster our fellowship with Him. Beyond that, it may be proper to keep praying for the very same thing.
Why would I keep praying for something if God has said, “No”? Because what I interpreted as “No” might not have actually been “No.” Obviously, sometimes God’s answer is pretty clear and definitive. If we pray for healing and instead witness death, the answer is heartbreakingly clear. But often, when we think God has said, “No,” He may have only said, “Not yet.” When the Bible first introduces us to Abraham, we learn that he had no children, and his wife was barren. How long and often do you think Abraham had prayed for a son? I can only imagine it was daily. How long would you continue such prayers before you gave up in despair, assuming God had said, “No?” A month? A year? Five years? Ten? Abraham was 100 years old before his prayer was finally answered and Isaac was born. The delay we likely would have interpreted to mean, “No,” really only meant, “Not yet.”
In Luke 18, Jesus told what we call the “Parable of the Persistent Widow.” The story is about a widow who, by her constant pleading, finally prompts a corrupt judge to grant her request. Now, Jesus told this parable to His disciples, “that they ought always to pray and not lose heart” (Luke 18:1). If a corrupt and indifferent judge can be moved by persistence, then certainly our holy and loving Father can be as well! Therefore, we should keep praying until it is undeniably certain God has said, “No.”
And if He does say no, we should…
Begin Some Self-Examination
God doesn’t say, “No” flippantly. If He does so, it is for a very good reason. And it is possible that we have contributed to that reason.
It may be that the condition of our lives is preventing God from hearing our prayer and granting our request. James 5:16 is famous because it attributes great power to the working of prayer, but note carefully the type of prayer it says will be effective: “The prayer of a righteous person.” In direct contrast, Solomon wrote that, “If one turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination” (Proverbs 28:9). Together, these verses tell us that the spiritual condition of our lives is a vital factor in the effectiveness of our prayers. It may be that there is some sin in my life which is hindering my prayers. If a prayer clearly hasn’t been answered the way we hope, it is prudent to examine unaddressed sin as the reason why.
But do not think for a moment that sin is the only reason God might say, “No.” I remind you that the only sinless person who ever lived, Jesus Christ, was told, “No.” In the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “Let this cup pass from me,” referring to His impending crucifixion. Obviously, God denied that request. And just as obviously, the reason wasn’t sin on the part of the One praying. So, why was this prayer answered with a “No?” An examination of the full prayer reveals the answer: “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39).
Jesus understood something we often miss. For prayer to be effective, it must be consistent with God’s will. The apostle John taught this clearly in 1 John 5:14, saying, “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us.” Now, Jesus’ request to be spared the cross was not in keeping with the Father’s will because there was no other way for humanity to be saved. In the same way, our prayers may not be according to the Father’s will because what we are asking for isn’t really in our best interest. We become like James and John and know not what we are really asking (see Mark 10:38). If it has become clear that God’s answer is “No,” then it is a good idea to consider if what we are asking for was really what was needed. Perhaps God knows that the blessing we are asking for would become a temptation to us. Or maybe it is time for our loved one “to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better” (Philippians 1:23). Receiving a “No” from God presents us with a chance to take a hard, but honest look inward to see if our lives match His commandments and if our will matches His own.
And since we are examining the situation, it’s also a good idea to…
Look for the “Yes”
“When God closes a door, He opens a window” isn’t a quote from the Bible, but there is truth in the sentiment. There are times when God says, “No” because He has something better in mind.
In Acts 16, Paul is in the midst of what we call the Second Missionary Journey, and he seems to be having a tough time of it. Verse 6 describes him as passing directly through Phrygia and Galatia “having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia.” The next verse describes more of the same: Paul and his companions wanted to go to Bithynia, “but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them.” Here is a clear case of God telling Paul, “No.” Why? It is hard to imagine what could have been wrong in preaching the gospel to people in Phrygia, Galatia, or Bithynia. So why did God say, “No?” Because, it seems, God needed Paul somewhere else. He had something better in mind for Paul. Look at verses 9 and 10:
And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, “Come over to Macedonia and help us.” And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God had called us to preach the gospel to them.
God had said, “No” to Phrygia, Galatia, and Bithynia so that He might say, “Yes” to Macedonia! The earlier “Nos” were simply God’s way of getting Paul where God needed him to be.
Can He not do the same for us? Can God not take our requests (with the implications we don’t fully understand, mind you) and offer us something better or perhaps more needed instead? Certainly, He can. I think back to my prayers for my dad which I mentioned at the start of this lesson. God said, “No” to my dad’s recovery. But in the days following I found He said, “Yes” to a stronger relationship with my sister, the privilege and opportunity to do more for my mother, and support from fellow Christians and friends I had not imagined. God hadn’t given me what I wanted, but I have come to realize He gave me what I needed. And if you try sometimes, you just might find He does the same for you. I encourage you, look for the Lord’s “Yeses.”
God won’t say, “Yes” to our every prayer and it isn’t in our power to change that. But it is in our power to change how we respond to God’s “Nos” by continuing to hold fast our faith, by continuing to pray to God, by examining our lives and our requests, and by looking for the ways in which God says, “Yes.”
Now, I encourage you to think about what it means to truly pray in Jesus’ name. Did you know that there are times it is actually wrong to end prayers with the words, “In Jesus’ name, amen”? Study that point with right here.
- Scripture quotations in this article are from the ESV®Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright© 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ↩︎