Are you trapped by lust and pornography? If so, this is the cycle, isn’t it?
- You view pornography.
- Then you feel the guilt and shame.
- Then you swear you’ll never look at it again.
- But you do. Whether it’s the next day, or a few months later. You’re trapped by lust and pornography.
You’ve watched the self help videos. You’ve prayed. You’ve listened to the podcasts. You’ve read your Bible. You’ve even spoken to a mentor. But you still can’t get away from it. Why not? These five reasons are why you’re still trapped. In this article, we’re going to go through them with Scripture, as well as see the solution to get you out of that vicious cycle. There are no shortcuts to this. All five of these must be considered and applied if you’re going to break the cycle forever. Once we’ve covered all five of them, I’m going to give you a free resource here on YouTube of what to do next—that is, if you’re ready to be real with yourself and finally kill this habit. I recently saw a post online that said, “Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything.”
You may be familiar with Joseph in the book of Genesis. There’s a defining moment in his life that will prove why anyone may be trapped in the cycle of sexual sin, and more importantly, show us how to break the cycle today. Although we are going to look at this lesson through a young man’s perspective, these truths will apply to both men and women, as well as young and old.1
Through dreadful betrayal from his brothers, Joseph found himself as a slave in Egypt. Eventually, he was granted a place in one of the king’s officer’s households. This officer was known as Potiphar. Joseph was Potiphar’s highest-ranking servant, and while Joseph served him, “the LORD made all he did to prosper” (Genesis 39:3). The end of verse 6 says, “Now Joseph was handsome in form and appearance.” Keep reading:
And it came to pass after these things that his master’s wife cast longing eyes on Joseph, and she said, “Lie with me.” But he refused and said to his master’s wife, “Look, my master does not know what is with me in the house, and he has committed all that he has to my hand. There is no one greater in this house than I, nor has he kept back anything from me but you, because you are his wife. How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” So it was, as she spoke to Joseph day by day, that he did not heed her, to lie with her or to be with her. But it happened about this time, when Joseph went into the house to do his work, and none of the men of the house was inside, that she caught him by his garment, saying, “Lie with me.” But he left his garment in her hand, and fled and ran outside. And so it was, when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand and fled outside, that she called to the men of her house and spoke to them, saying, “See, he has brought in to us a Hebrew to mock us. He came in to me to lie with me, and I cried out with a loud voice. And it happened, when he heard that I lifted my voice and cried out, that he left his garment with me, and fled and went outside.”… Then Joseph’s master took him and put him into the prison, a place where the king’s prisoners were confined.
Genesis 39:7–20
Did you see the self-control of Joseph? He was a handsome, strapping man, likely in his twenties. As first a slave, and then a servant, he had been denied a personal life, having no wife, and likely no romantic relationships to speak of. Then, a smooth-talking, likely good-looking woman tried to seduce him. Yet Joseph won this battle. He literally fled from sexual sin. Why can’t you do the same every time you’re tempted with lust? Let’s get real. You’re trapped by lust and pornography, because—unlike Joseph:
1. You’re Not a Believer
To which you respond, “Of course I am! Why else would I be reading a Bible study lesson?” Admittedly, I do not know your heart. I likely don’t even know you in person. So I am not claiming to be able to judge you or be invited into your life to speak so plainly. But I encourage you to follow along with Joseph the believer and see if you really do fit the description of believer.
Joseph, and everything about him, was defined by the fact that he was a believer in God. Can you say the same about yourself? Joseph knew every decision must be filtered through his faith. Do you? Look back on Joseph’s life from the moment he is introduced to us in Scripture. All he ever wanted to do was to please God. In this moment of temptation in Potiphar’s house, Joseph believed that giving in would reduce him to a hypocrite. How could he claim to believe in God and also pursue unrighteousness?
On the other hand, perhaps you have fallen prey to the modern-day mantra of “Believe in Yourself.” Now, I’m all for having a realistic estimation of self, as the Scriptures say. Yet, the saying, “Believe in Yourself,” can become a dangerous lifestyle. By “believing in yourself,” perhaps you have tried to force yourself out of bad habits—by yourself. “I can do this,” you say. Maybe you buckle down, grit your teeth, and try to force your addiction into submission. As some say, you “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.” And when you struggle, you look for quick solutions, you go to Google or YouTube, and when you fail, you feel like you just need to try harder next time. Perhaps you believe in yourself, but maybe you don’t believe in God.
To believe in God, the Bible says you must die to self. You must crucify the flesh. This doesn’t mean you must literally die or mutilate yourself. But what you must do is no less drastic. You must realize that you cannot do this on your own, and you must believe in and fully rely on God. Jesus said:
Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels.
Mark 8:34–38 2
2. You’re Good at Making Excuses
Not only that, but you’re also pretty good at letting others make excuses for you. Although I grew up in a small, fairly religious town, I remember in the ninth grade, my sex education teacher in the public school teaching the entire class that lust and masturbation are normal forms of exploration while growing up, and—get this—that pornography could be a healthy way to find oneself. I imagine that little bit of “advice” from an authoritative figure was all that several students needed to throw self-control to the wind and fully indulge. And I also can only imagine many of them are still struggling with pornography addiction to this day.
When temptation comes your way, do you say things like, “It’s natural to admire beauty”? Do you justify yourself by saying things like, “At least I’m not having premarital sex”? Or maybe you blame others: A relationship didn’t work out, or someone has brushed off your advances, and you think you’re forced into pornography because you’ve never been treated well. Whatever it is, unlike Joseph, perhaps you’re good at making excuses.
When Potiphar’s wife tried to coax Joseph to bed, he could have produced any number of excuses. “I’ve worked hard. I deserve this.” “Who would know?” “I’m her slave; I could get in trouble if I don’t give in.” Yet, risking his position in the household, he never gave in. Depending on the strength of the Lord, he resisted every time, even when it landed him in prison.
Alright, we are making our way down the list. We’re going to recap it all at the end of the lesson before I point you to a resource on this site that I developed with a doctor who specializes in helping people with sexual addictions.
3. You Don’t Know How To Run
In the movies, when there’s a monster on the loose, someone’s supposed to yell, “Run for your lives!” Why? Of course, because, if they don’t run, they will forfeit their lives! Do you realize that the same truth applies to sin? From the beginning, God has been warning humans that “the wages of sin is death” (Romans 6:23). But let’s not stop there, for God didn’t stop (or begin) there. Although it’s a longer reading, stick with this passage, as it will show you what you need to do.
Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one’s slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. I speak in human terms because of the weakness of your flesh. For just as you presented your members as slaves of uncleanness, and of lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves of righteousness for holiness. For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. What fruit did you have then in the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:16–23
This is the same passage where Paul had previously expressed the importance of dying to sin, crucifying the old self, and being baptized into Christ in order to be freed from sin (see vv. 1–7). He reminds these Christians that obedience is allegiance. When you don’t know how to run from sin, you cannot be considered a servant of righteousness. You must obey from the heart the gospel of Jesus (if you’re unaware of how to do that, check the link in the description). The wages of sin is death! Run for your life!
This passage talks about being enslaved to shameful sin. Isn’t that what you so desperately want to be freed from? Run away from sin for your life! And while you repent, recognize that, although you and I deserve death, Jesus was willing to pay the price for us. When we realize how deadly sin is, like Joseph, we will not hesitate to run when Satan begins to flatter. Related:
4. You Don’t Call Sin What It Is
Hopefully it didn’t escape your notice in the passage above—when Potiphar’s wife tempted Joseph, he responded, “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” Yes, if he had given in, he would have been sinning against Potiphar. He would have been sinning against Potiphar’s wife. And he would have been sinning against himself. But all sin, ultimately, is a sin against God.
If I knew I could steal from you, and there was no way anyone could ever know about it—it was certain I would never get caught—I still wouldn’t do it. My relationship with you is more than just between you and me. It’s between you, me, and God. Regarding how we treat one another, Jesus will say to us on the day of judgment, “Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me” (Matthew 25:40). When Saul of Tarsus was harming Christians, Jesus took it personally, asking, “Why are you persecuting Me?” (Acts 9:4).
Sex is good, when it is enjoyed the way God created it to be enjoyed—between a married husband and a wife. When you distort God’s plans, and you lust after another person’s flesh, you are sinning against them, yourself, and in a way that crucifies Jesus, you are sinning against God. When you reduce another person to an object for your own mental or physical satisfaction, you are contradicting God who says, “That person was created in My image.” You are violating the first and second commandments that say, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind” and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37–39).
Joseph, like Jesus, had no trouble calling sin what it was.
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” They answered Him, “We are Abraham’s descendants, and have never been in bondage to anyone. How can You say, ‘You will be made free’?” Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed.
John 8:31–36
Here’s the situation: Whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. Here’s the promise: You can follow Jesus, you can know the truth, and He will set you free from sin.
Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully matured, it brings forth death. Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.
James 1:12–16 LSB
Do not be deceived. Lust may be “natural,” but look at the commandments of Jesus. Isn’t He constantly calling those who follow the “natural” desires of the flesh to, instead, be led by the Spirit? Lust after someone who is not yours may be “natural,” but it is not innocent. Don’t be deceived. Learn to call sin what it is.
5. You Don’t Take the Warnings of Scripture Seriously
Sometimes when lust happens, only one person is at fault—namely, the luster. With pornography, both the one who is lusting and the one who causes the lust are to blame. When a person poses for money, that person is just like the adulterer mentioned in the book of Proverbs.
(We’re about to read Proverbs, but first let me say this: Sometimes those who are pictured in pornographic material are actually victims of trafficking. They are not willing participants, and they are imprisoned and enslaved by wicked corporations. Another motivation to stay far away from the pornographic empire is that the money people invest into it go into the pockets of slave traders and sex traffickers.)
When the pornographic man or woman is willing, this is what Scripture says:
For at the window of my house
Proverbs 7:6–23
I looked through my lattice,
And saw among the simple [This is the poet referring to the person who risks his health, money, marriage, and soul for a one-night stand, and he is calling him stupid. The person who keeps going back to porn is doing something very idiotic. Why? The poet continues:],
I perceived among the youths,
A young man devoid of understanding,
Passing along the street near her corner [This guy knows where temptation is, and knows how dangerous she is, yet he goes near her anyway. The person who struggles with pornography is lacking so much sense that he takes his phone into the bathroom with him. She leaves her phone on her nightstand when she goes to bed.] ;
And he took the path to her house
In the twilight, in the evening,
In the black and dark night.
And there a woman met him [Should anyone be surprised that temptation finds him at this location every time? If he were serious about this, why would he walk down the same path he got caught in last time (and promised he’d never do again)?],
With the attire of a harlot, and a crafty heart.
She was loud and rebellious,
Her feet would not stay at home.
At times she was outside, at times in the open square,
Lurking at every corner.
So she caught him and kissed him [By now, all self-control has been forfeited.];
With an impudent face she said to him:
“I have peace offerings with me;
Today I have paid my vows.
So I came out to meet you,
Diligently to seek your face,
And I have found you.
I have spread my bed with tapestry,
Colored coverings of Egyptian linen.
I have perfumed my bed
With myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.
Come, let us take our fill of love until morning;
Let us delight ourselves with love.
For my husband is not at home;
He has gone on a long journey;
He has taken a bag of money with him,
And will come home on the appointed day.”
With her enticing speech she caused him to yield,
With her flattering lips she seduced him.
Immediately he went after her, as an ox goes to the slaughter,
Or as a fool to the correction of the stocks,
Till an arrow struck his liver.
As a bird hastens to the snare,
He did not know it would cost his life.
Scripture shows different ways to approach people who are trapped in sin. Sometimes it should be done gently with emotion at the forefront of the conversation. Sometimes, logic should lead the way. As we see here, God sometimes also needs to slap the habitual sinner in the back of the head and call him a fool. “Don’t you see you’re like an animal about to have his throat slit? Don’t you see this is going to cost your life?”
Similarly, Proverbs 9 warns:
A foolish woman is clamorous;
Proverbs 9:13–18
She is simple, and knows nothing.
For she sits at the door of her house,
On a seat by the highest places of the city [Isn’t it the case that we are surrounded by pornographic images in billboards, ads, and movies?],
To call to those who pass by,
Who go straight on their way:
“Whoever is simple, let him turn in here” [You see, even the pornographic industry depends on your foolish decisions.];
And as for him who lacks understanding, she says to him,
“Stolen water is sweet,
And bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
But he does not know that the dead are there,
That her guests are in the depths of hell.
You open that app, and you think your moment of satisfaction is sweet. But then, death and hell appear behind the last door of the depths of lust. I told you I was going to get real with you. In Mark 8:34–38, a passage we saw earlier, Jesus said that giving into the works of the flesh will forfeit your soul. In Romans 6, Paul reminds you that you cannot serve both sin and God. Are you ready to get real with Jesus? You can’t dance around this any more. I appreciate that God has given you this opportunity to consider these five points. Now, before I give you that resource, remember that, so long as any of these five points is true with you, you’ll never break the cycle. You’ll always be trapped.
- You’re not a believer.
- You’re good at making excuses (or allowing others to make excuses for you).
- You don’t know how to run.
- You don’t call sin what it is.
- You don’t take the warnings of Scripture seriously.
Are you ready for God to reverse those statements and set you free? Last year, I worked with Dr. Jonathan D. Harrison of Transform & Renew Mental Health Services to give you these ten actionable steps you could take right now to quit pornography.